Sunday, July 30, 2006

A cat suffering from feline superiority

Upon returning of late from trip to visit most learned philosophy professor, your humble narrator was bombarded by the neediest of all lovely cats. Said cat didst proceed to curl up upon her hair. Whilst attempting to disentangle claws from hair, it didst finally occur to your brilliant narrator the likely cause of this phenomenon: said cat adores my hair due to its likeness to her own fur. Cat Gergiev's attraction to my hair is not a sign of affection for her loving human companion so much as it is a source of narcissistic pleasure. As my brilliant and lovely readers may already have guessed, such is an unmistakeable sign of felinocentrism, which is defined as the privileging of the feline in understanding meaning or social relations.

Furthermore, my cat has apparently recruited a feline goon, known as Big Bad Bobcat, to patrol her blog and threaten any who might be so bold as to question catism in any way. Such ridiculous measures reveal the dangers of radical catism.

The time has come for little cats to put away such obvious biases for the greater good of all.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Another cat on the Internet? Oh, no . . .

It has come to the attention of your humble narrator that Blocks, most beloved feline of one Mad Scientist and most hated feline of one Mary Flannery, is poised and threatening to enter the mystical online world of blogging. Should such tragedy occur, your narrator most fervently hopes that cat Gergiev shall respect the purity and innocence of such a gentle feline and not overwhelm her with catism's radical political agenda. Your narrator dost fear that the radicalness of catism is but ever increasing and that at some point she may return home to a feline that hast decided to shave her lovely blue-grey fur in protest of her privileged status as pampered house pet.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

And on the third day, he arose . . .

The mystery plant, initially christened "Seymour" but going by "Wenito" as of late, has indeed proved quite mysterious and provocative. Not only did said plant appear ex nihilo upon a certain white Ford Thunderbird one fine May day, but now after having been accidentally slaughtered by one well-meaning feline Gergiev, plant has apparently returned from the grave as a ghost to haunt the Gergiev blog. The evidence? The phantom Wenito posted a comment to this blog on the twenty-fifth day of July, a full three days after being pronounced dead.

Catism question of the day

So, little felines of the world, are there cats represented in Pink Floyd's song "Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict"? If so, is Pink Floyd's portrayal of cats uplifting to felines? But perhaps the most pressing question is whether or not cats can groove.

Other contenders for question of the day:
Will peacock feathers sprout if placed in water?
Has the real arc of the covenant been discovered in an ivy-covered house in Tulsa?

Monday, July 24, 2006

Gergiev, fitness trainer, offers praise

When your humble narrator returned home this fine day from a most pleasant jog, she was greeted by her sweet cat Gergiev. As her fitness trainer, cat Gergiev was most pleased that her human companion hadst been faithfully executing her prescribed regimen and proceeded to lick her most sweaty hand and forearm in affirmation for some time. . . . of course, it could also be that cats find your narrator rather tasty.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Tulsa cat charged with plantslaughter

From today's edition of the Tulsa World:

A local cat was arrested yesterday afternoon on charges of plantslaughter. Cat Gergiev is thought to have committed an act of negligence resulting in the death of the plant Wenito (formerly known as Seymour) when dashing about frantically from window sill to desk to floor, disturbing the stationary plant and hurling it to the floor, pot and all. Although the pot suffered but little damage, Wenito lost an appendage in the fall, which occurred at approximately 9:45 a.m., and was horribly mangled, his torso nearly torn from his roots. Despite the best efforts of the medical personnel who arrived promptly at the scene, Wenito was pronounced dead at 10:15 a.m.

Friday, July 21, 2006

The adventures of abandoned cats

So yesterday, I ventured out of my balmy apartment to the nice, cool, air-conditioned apartment of dear brave Sara to visit her cats, Ray and Egon, who mourn their recent abandonment by said human companion. Whilst there, Ray attempted to ingest a plastic bag despite the uninterrupted presence of copious amounts of proper cat food. Also, your humble narrator didst stumble across a most startling discovery . . . a hole in the carpet in the middle of the living room. Perhaps, hopefully, this hole wast present before the awaying of one Sara. Yet it is quite possible that the obstinate felines are attempting to eat their way through the apartment out of protest. I fear that I may return in a but a few days to find that they have escaped altogether and that then I shall have a most angry Sara to report to . . .

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hot! Hot! Hot!

The Cure once wrote a lovely song about me:
Yes I'm jumping like a jumping jack
Dancing screaming itching squealing fevered
Feeling hot hot hot!!!

Au contraire, the lovely feline Gergiev dost posit that your narrator suffers from dehydration delusions. Perhaps both are somewhat valid.

In what may well have been a mirage, I saw my little Gergiev perform quite the adorable trick this morning. While I wast eating my bruncheon repast of taco, milk, and watermelon, she didst crawl up and burrow herself between me and back of humble kitchen chair. My spry little cat then scaled the back of the chair whilst leaning against my back for support in order to perch most precariously upon the one inch wide piece of wood at the top of the chair. She then laid her little head upon my shoulder while attempting to sprawl out on top of the chair. How nice that my cat has returned from her academic journey and has resumed practicing her circus tricks. Perhaps someday, my cat shall appear on Cirque du Soleil!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Catism is dead

My beloved cat Gergiev, founder and sole proponent of the radical theory of catism, hast abandoned her subject. Of late, she hast taken up myspace as a more proper topic for her commentary. Lying hither next to keyboard as your humble narrator dost type in the balmy 80-degree atmosphere that is her apartment, she looks quite content to be but a simple housecat purring while perched upon my papers. Goodbye, catism. May some other cat stumble upon you someday when the world is better suited for your arrival.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Away to godmother's . . .

Today, I shall entrust the sanctity of my apartment and the lately failing health of beloved rosemary plant to my little Gergiev. Her godmother shall surely be saddened that godcat refuses to travel to visit her. Perhaps she shall find her godcat ungrateful and the continual flow of cat treats into apartment shall cease.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Day with cat

After the passing of noon, I didst embark upon one final cleaning venture. Gergiev didst join me. At one point, Bastet statue wast placed upon floor for cleaning purposes and Gergiev approached her to make peace. Upon first seeing this bronze cat, she mistook it for a potential threat to her status as single cat and growled and pounced at it most fiercely. Upon this day, she didst pounce upon the woolen duster instead and with vigor at that.

So this fair evening, your humble narrator leaves the table momentarily and returns to behold her lovely cat, who had alighted upon said table and wast proceeding to lap up my milk!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Ewwww . . .

Alas, your humble narrator was quite startled when, upon this fine night, she didst stumble upon a rather large mouse in the cellar of her lovely apartment building. Said creature wast a full six inches long plus tail and was unusually furry, rather like a wild rabbit. Perchance such incident shall result in manager adopting a feline to patrol the bowels of the building. Otherwise, I may be forced to send cat Gergiev out upon patrol to prevent horror, infestation, and bubonic plague.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Boring Wednesday

My lovely cat is sorrowful today upon the departure of her godmother, who brought banana-nut bread and deigned to present her a plate of crumbs.

Your humble narrator wast this very day compelled to slave laboriously at proofreading and revising one index, a most tedious task, from which she has yet to recover fully. At least such work could be completed poolside, though sadly not while actually bathing in said pool.

Most beauteous yellow roses are now beginning to die. Must decide whether to allocate funds to procure replacements, or whether some $3 lilies shall not do.

The furious housekeeping that has plagued me approaches a temporary end.

All is quiet. The air conditioner hums. The cat sits upon an antique chair. Jeni must now go to sleep.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

A properly domesticated cat

Your humble narrator dost fear that her cat's recent political activism may be leading her too far astray from her proper place in the domestic sphere. If little Gergie wants to play the dilettante and polemicize on cat studies, that is adorable and perfectly acceptable. However, such pursuits need not interfere with catching bugs, entertaining her human companion, purring, and such like.

Send in the cats . . .

So yesterday your humble narrator didst discover one arachnid hovering about her showering chamber and was therefore coerced into violent and bloody action to remedy such appalling situation. After said ordeal hadst come to a close with arachnid's burial at sea, your narrator didst wonder why she employst a cat who apparently does not fulfill her role as huntress like a good and proper housecat.