Her Parent's Sex Life Mortifies Her, But When Dear Prudence Provides No Guidance, Pierre Steps In

"Need New Sheets" writes to Dear Prudence asking:

I am 16, and my parents...have sex in other places in the house besides their bedroom. I'm never home when this occurs....Recently, I found out that my parents had sex on my bed. This was mortifying and horrific for me....I haven't even had sex on my bed! They don't see anything wrong with what they've done....How can I explain to them that this has scarred me, possibly for the rest of my life?

Dear Prudence responds:

Since you weren't home when they discovered your bed was "just right," how did you find out? Do they discuss their conjugal adventures over dinner? Or do they make innuendos to each other that you're now old enough to understand? You're right to be disturbed....I can't tell from your letter if your parents are just a little bit screwy on this subject and don't realize you know more than they intend, or if they get their jollies from subjecting you to recitations of their intimacy....if they don't get it after you talk to them, you have to seek help. Discuss this with a trustworthy relative, a member of your clergy, or a counselor at your school who can intervene on your behalf.

Pierre - A Cat From France responds:

All Dear Prudence did was turn you to counselors. Do not turn to high school counselors. If they knew anything, they would not be high school counselors. They would be plumbers.

Turn to Pierre.

You are looking at this as a negative. Always look on the bright side of life. While you are 16 and unmarried you should not be having any sex, but look at what you have to look forward to: When you marry, and then can have sex, you can visit your parents and engage in sex all over their house. Should they complain you can then respond, "I learned it from you."